Q: What do you use to mend a jack-o-lantern?
A: A pumpkin patch.

The nurse walked into the busy doctor’s office and said, “Doctor, the invisible man is here.” The doctor replied, “Sorry, I can’t see him.”

Q: Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
A: No body.

Q: Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road to school?
A: The Crossing Gourd.

Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of your jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi.

Q: I’m tall when I’m young, I’m short when I’m old, and every Halloween I stand up inside Jack-o-lanterns. What am I?
A: A candle.

Q: If money really did grow on trees, what would be everyone’s favorite season?
A: Fall.

Q: What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
A: Squash.

A family of fall leaves were trying to change a light bulb. A squirrel walked by and asked why the bulb wasn’t changed yet. The red leaf said, “Because we keep falling.”

Q: What happened when the turkey got in a fight?
A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him.

Q: Who lives in the scary Hundred Acre Wood?
A: Winnie the Boo.

Q: What did one leaf say to another?
A: I’m falling for you.

Q: Why are all Superman costumes tight?
A: They’re all size S.

Q: Why do birds fly south in the fall?
A: Because it’s too far to walk.

Q: Why is Dracula so easy to fool?
A: Because he’s a sucker.