Q: Did you hear about the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
A: He got 25 days.

Q: What kind of Christmas music do elves like?
A: Wrap music!

You: I love this time of year!
Me: You mean you ‘ove’ it.
You: What?
Me: Because there’s Noël.

“The Twelve Days of Christmas” is completely unrealistic. There is no way that you’re still accepting gifts from someone after four days of birds.

Q: What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
A: An abdominal snowman.

I don’t know who’s worse, the people who sign their cats’ names on Christmas cards or the cats who refuse to sign.

My kids: Can we decorate for Christmas now?!
Me: Sure. [Puts Santa hat on pumpkin.]

Q: What did the peanut butter say to the grape on Christmas?
A: ‘Tis the season to be jelly!

Q: What’s a parent’s favorite Christmas carol?
A: Silent night!